What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
