I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
