so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
