I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
