i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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