I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
