I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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