Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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