you would pick up someone in the library
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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