did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
