Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
