His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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