I hate your face
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
