my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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