it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
false alarm, still single
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
