If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
