hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
