i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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