38 yer olds are good kisserssss
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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