Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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