Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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