i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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