I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
God, I missed his penis.
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