I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
