I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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