No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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