He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
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I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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