i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
