I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
