We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
