I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
