It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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