Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
