i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
