Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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