I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I want is dick and wine.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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