I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
