You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
