yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
