I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
