I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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