Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
