Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i love accidental penises.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
