I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
