I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
