My hand turned me down
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
