i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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