yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
