What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
