In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
