the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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