I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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