where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
