your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think a kid would responsible me up
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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