I smell stomach acid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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