Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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