I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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