I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
