And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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