You just made me feel so damn special
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
