your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
