I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
