Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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