I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
