thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
