Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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