tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
