Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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