My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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