i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
