Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's blow job season.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
