went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
