I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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