You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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