so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
