Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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