I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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