I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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