btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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