Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
