what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
